A taste of Text

** Clash of Wills

Donald You’re not allowed to take things with you when you die.

Lucy Who doesn’t allow you? God? Who would be so cruel to tell an old lady, an old dead lady, she’s not allowed to take her glasses or favourite handky ? The Egyptians sometimes took their whole household with them. Your Grandma could easily have smuggled something out with her  ......

** A Season Before The Tragedy Of Macbeth

(Macbeth and Gruoch, aka Lady Macbeth)

Macbeth I am much humbled to say we did not reach the place in time to save him from the brutish hordes.

Gruoch Did my Lord Macbeth pursue the assassins?

Macbeth He did.

Gruoch Did you take them?

Macbeth I did, madam.

Gruoch How faired they?

Macbeth They died.

Gruoch Ah.

Macbeth One by one.

Gruoch My Lord.

Macbeth By my hand.

Gruoch My Lord.

Macbeth And each was made to drink the blood of the latest cadaver.

Gruoch They will surely mend their ways.

** Dreamlife

Paul That was a close shave!

Tramp (eating pizza out of a box he found in the trash) What did you say?

Paul     Nothing. I was talking to myself.

Tramp  You talk to say nothing. Bit of a waste if you want my opinion.

Paul Your opinion? I don’t want your opinion! What the Hell do you know about it? Who do you think you are dishing out advice? I don’t believe my ears. What right have you got to meddle in my life? You sit there all day doing shit all, without a care in the world and you come poking your filthy face into my business. I’ve never seen anything like it! Do I come sticking my nose into your athlete’s foot or your howling bad breath? Do I? Isn’t that just typical! You go about minding your own business and some bastard sneaks up and messes up your life, can’t stand to see you happy and buggers up to bring you down in the middle of a public park! What are you ogglin’ at? You want my picture? Here (he holds his camera at arm’s length and takes his own photo) Happy now? I’ll get you a print and bring it in tomorrow, right? You can hang it on your bush if you like. What size do you want it? An enlargement I’d think. Because your forsythia is losing its leaves. With the autumn coming on, the photo’ll stop the draughts coming in.

Tramp That’s no forsythia.

**Daughters of Kronos

(Maureen has just turned up at her shrink’s at 11.30 on New Year’s Eve.)

Maureen Do you hear me ? You’re not listening to me ! I saw you staring at your watch earlier. It was only ten to, I saw you !

Don’t bother trying to change the subject. I know what’s going on. Ever since I came in here you’ve been thinking about that shitty party of yours, your shitty champagne, your la-di-da little lady. Oh, don’t deny it. I saw her stroll out of here the other day with her shitty little shopping bag.

I saw her rambling round the organic market with her shitty smile and her poise. I saw her buy her organic cherries.

Well here’s what I think of your little lady. (she grabs a cushion and pummels it furiously) There, there, there. Oh, I’m sorry .. so sorry, I didn’t mean to.. The poor thing.

I took it for your wife. I wanted to make her croak it, bump her off, kill her.

** The Last Suit

Joan They're a shower of nincompoops. It took me fifteen minutes to sort out. The agency manager is as computer literate as a kick in the backside. He said, "Where the hell have all these bookings gone? I sent them. They can't be flying around ruddy cyberspace queuing up behind some Japanese ruddy lawnmower instruction manuals."

Mae Lawnmower instruction manuals.

Joan I know. I've told him a million times that isn't how it works, but he reacts like he's laced his corn flakes with a pint of pure adrenalin every time there's the slightest hitch. (Big sigh) He told me I was getting too big for my boots. Do you know what I said ?

Mae Nope.

Joan I said ‘Okay, fire me’. We were in his office. I said , ‘Fire me if you like, but I don’t know where you’ll get another pair of D-cups with my qualifications.’ I watched the colour drain from his rosy little jowls. I thought he was going to keel over. You know why I said that of course ?

Mae To watch him keel over ?

Joan Absolutely. He’s always having an accidental grope, you know. He says, ‘Oops, sorry, Joan’ and makes out he’s so clumsy, but I’ve got him taped.

** Forgotten

(Isobel has lost her memory in a road accident.)

Paula   Mum, you said Liam. It's Ian.

Isobel    Did I?

Paula That's twice. Who is Liam?

Isobel I haven't the foggiest. (giggles) Maybe I’ve got guilty secrets.

Paula Well, anyway, I don't see the point of digging up every single scene.

Ian That sounds like rather a biased viewpoint. We can’t take the responsibility of choosing the bits of your mother's past we want her to recall.

Paula Aren't there things you would rather forget ?

Ian Of course, but the choice has to be mine. I don't want anyone else to choose for me. It's a question of integrity.

(Paula is furious, but chooses to set the rest of the discussion aside for when they will be alone)

Paula Mum?

Isobel        (Does not answer because the word means nothing to her)

Paula Mum !

Isobel Sorry, not used to it yet..

** Small Talk

(The two conversations are simultaneous and independent of each other The audience hears both conversations)

Robert (to El) My father made us control ourselves.

El Yourselves?

Gareth (sits beside Ginny) I’m working with an architect till the end of the month. How about next month ?

Robert Me and my sister.

El Just you and your sister

Ginny Great. Just you and me.

Robert Me and my sister.

El You were close.

Robert None closer.

Gareth Well, we’ll have to work closely.

Ginny I’m sure you’ll have great ideas.

El My sister and I were close too.

Gareth Celia and I were great partners.

Robert Were?

El Were.

Ginny Were.

Robert Did she leave you?

Gareth We’re still together.

El She died.

Robert Died.

Ginny My mistake. My marriage …

El Died.

Gareth Is dying.

Robert When?

El Five years ago.

Ginny You noticed.

Gareth Sorry.

Robert An accident?

Ginny Don’t apologise. It doesn’t matter.

El She took her own life. An overdose.

Ginny It’s awful really. I know.

Gareth Walking the old tight-rope.

Robert A girl left me.

Ginny What ?

El Your sister.

Robert No. A girl. I was in love with her. I wanted to marry her. She died.

El So we have something in common after all.

(Ginny breaks a glass)